random thoughts at 2pm
Where am I exactly in life right now?
I’m 20, the period that I thought was really old years ago and an age where I anxiously wished that I already figured out how my life is gonna be.
I’m still in college, I’m working on an internship, I’m planning to create my own project/initiative, and I have a boyfriend.
There are still way too many things I suck at but there are also many things that I’ve improved on.
I learned how to work a bit properly now (I realize how easy being an employee is lol and how much I don’t want someone telling me what to do), I probably doubt myself less (but who knows), I learned how to treat a person better and I faced how cruel or dramatic I can really be.
I still need to grow a lot, I feel that I am way too naive, I still don’t fully understand the way the world’s working, I don’t understand a lot of career jargons, and I don’t understand the technicalities of things.
In terms of my own relationships, I’m still not that sure of myself, I’m still not sure if the people I’m with really cares or know who I am. How could I even let people love me if I don’t even know who I am yet.
I want to be helpful, I want to be wiser and more capable, I want to be smarter, I want to be extremely productive, I want to have more responsibilities, I want to be there for others more!
I want to fulfill the promises I had for myself back then, I want to leave a lasting impact on the world while I’m here. I want to make others breathe more comfortably or give them a life much better than the present.
I just don’t know how or I’m just not there yet. I’m not doing enough and I don’t like that I’m not worried about it.
I want to be drastically better. I want to be crazy better.